by Cheryl Smith, MA
Sidestep Complicated Family Dynamics
If you’re finding it a frustrating task to talk
to your parent about closing off the upstairs of
their home to prevent falls, installing bath safety
equipment, giving up the car keys, or wearing an ID
bracelet for those walks around the block, you’re
not alone. Elderly parents often find it humiliating
to transition to receiving advice, direction or
physical care from their own children. But in the
same arena, a professional outsider can step up to
the plate and do it with panache.
A professional starts with a level playing field
that creates a feeling of equality for the elderly.
Your parent may feel more comfortable speaking of
sensitive areas with someone outside of family
dynamics. At the very least, the elderly are more
likely to accept suggestions from a third party with
a listening ear. To your benefit, the geriatric care
manager will present a view to your parent that is
unbiased by your personal stress,
emotionally-charged worry, and any unconscious
agendas.
When Kansas City business owner Betsy Stewart’s
elderly dad suffered a stroke two years ago and
returned to his own home, she was worried about his
safety. But when she tried to talk to him about it
or make suggestions, he brushed off her concerns.
“To him, I was just his child and not
someone he was going to take advice from,” said
Stewart.
Stewart sought the help of a geriatric care
manager and was amazed at the difference.
“Having an outsider be the one to make
recommendations and talk to my dad about potential
safety issues was instrumental in getting my dad to
cooperate. The care manager built trust and
established a rapport with him and got him laughing
right off the bat. By the end, he trusted her
judgment and cooperated with all her
recommendations. Additionally, the care manager
pointed things out to me that I hadn’t thought about
– such as potential safety hazards in the home – and
provided information on valuable resources.”
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